We got our photo taken for our ID today.  I didn't know we were going to be that day so I had my hair clipped up in the most hideous way for a picture.  It looked like I just woke up.

"Here's what your photo looks like!"

me:  "Ew."

him:  "What?  I think it's a nice photo.  Do you want to take another one?"

me:  "No, it's okay.  I don't care."

him:  "No, it's fine...  If you want to take another one I can."

me:  "No, it's not the photo's fault, it's just my face."

Everyone:  "Oooooh!"  Which btw why would you make a "you got owned" sound when I said it myself? hahah

him unsure of what to say:  "....Well, I think it's a nice face?"



SERIOUS post.

Ever since I gotten this position, I feel so much hate coming at me from the other trainees (every position is trained together).

Even the new friend I made that is going to be working at my branch had tried for the same position.  She asked me of my credentials to which I replied that I had no related skill in medical.  She, however, did.  In fact, the only thing that probably stopped her from obtaining the position was her hours because they were not flexible.  Well, she had said that herself...  Guess how I felt?

Another trainee who was in another position asked me what I wanted to pursue as my career.  I told him something in medical.  He replies, "So you don't even want to be a Pharmacist?  See, I do and I'm even in school for it but I didn't get hired.  You're lucky."  Guess how that made me feel?

Another trainee who had gotten the same position in another location told everyone of her studies, having a major and a minor, wanting to pursue into it for nursing whereas for me, I hadn't gotten that far along on my studies and have little experience on paper in the medical field.

Everyone has this little thought in them, while they stare at this girl who seems immature and unappreciative based on my appearance.  "Oh, she's just lucky.  She doesn't deserve that position.  She's spoiled and young."

It needn't be said.  I can feel it by the way people speak to me.  Nobody dares to pursue an intellectual conversation with me.

Well, you know what?  I am lucky.


As I placed my uniform on before the class, everyone began laughing at this tiny girl who is equivalent in size to a 17 year old.  My jacket seemed to have swallowed me whole.

I laugh with everyone else, as I tend to do... But I couldn't help but feel many stares accusing me of being unfit for this role.

But you know what?  There are many of you, all with grand pursuits in education and with a history of credentials on paper.  I haven't had much experience in life...   School never taught me much,  I had to prove myself capable to school rather than to have a long list of credentials in school to prove that I am capable.  I never developed my way of thinking in school; I merely practiced it in school.  I never gained wisdom in school, I practiced knowledge.  Thus, school was just there to allow myself to prove a portion of who I was.  Unlike many others, I don't have an impressive background in education to define me.

I learned about health the hard way.  Not through school but through my body.  I use my mind to reflect maturity, not my appearance.  Just because you fail to read me correctly doesn't mean I am the way you think I am.  It simply means you failed on studying something that is real and not on paper.

No, I don't go to UBC or SFU.  I went to a college where I had to take classes slowly to prevent my body from crashing.  No, I'm unable to do full time anything.  But does it mean I'm not hard working?  If someone's health allows them only to do a limited number of things but they do the max amount that they can, is it not equivalent to someone who has better health and can do more?

My vet had said to me when I wasn't working...  "You paid so much for your cat's dental in Victoria and you won't pay 120$ for more blood tests here?"  To which I replied, "I paid so much when I was working.  At the moment I'm not working but I'm giving her the most I can.  In both instances, I'm giving her 100%.  It's not the amount given that you look at, it's the amount that can be given."

Sometimes what you see is not one's inabilities, but rather the limitations that have been imposed upon them.

The Perfect Goodbye

Rihanna's Concert

It's amazing going to an event and witnessing the fanbase of an artist first hand.  I never suspected that it would be full of 19-21 year old Caucasian girls who were practically all dressed up with their hair and makeup fully done as if they either 1) Don't get out enough, 2) Was trying hard to impress Rihanna or 3) Was trying to compete amongst each other.  But maybe nowadays it's in to dress up in silk tube top styled dresses to concerts... I wouldn't really know since I haven't been to a concert for the longest time.

That means it should be extremely easy to impress me since I have little to compare to.

I don't even know if Ke$ha's in this picture but it makes little difference.  

An empty stage is just about as entertaining as she is.

The show started off with kesha.  Oh, no wait, that's ke$ha because it's cool to have a dollar sign in your name.  It reminds her audience that she is somewhat of a celebrity and does in fact have money despite looking like a drugged out crackhead...  It really feels as if I'm ripping on a 16 year old kid who doesn't know any better.  It's just so hard not to when she goes on stage singing about dinosaurs.  I learned a new song of hers that night.  It goes, "D-i--n-o-s-a.  You are a dinosaur.  You are an old man, you need a CAT scan!"

While all the Caucasian girls in low cut dresses and heels were screaming and jumping, me and Candy shared a moment of the "wtf?" look.  Tina:  "What happened to the full spelling of dinosaur?  Does she not know what comes after the 'a?'"

Maybe I'm just hating cause I was jealous... But only so because I felt she didn't have the talent and if she didn't have the talent and was up there, then I should be too.  I can make a song about cats.

By the time Rihanna came out, we were already sleepy, not because of her of course...
Though she wasn't enough to make us snap out of it.

The whole time I was more fascinated with the set ups for each song and 

started examining that instead of focusing on her.

Maybe it was due to the smoke inhalation from the people in front of us smoking up (they were so annoying, also starting fights/arguments with others)... But I kept thinking:

"What would it be like to be a star."  I mean, not just the whole "everyone would know you" factor but the whole... How does it truly feel knowing you're so special?  You can just sit there and people will be in awe and knowing that people feel so good to just even get a simple "hey, what's up" from you.

3 years ago, my conclusion for fame was always that I wanted none of it.  I couldn't understand why people were so crazed about it.  There was no privacy and what's more, being pursued by someone you like was in actuality, less likely unless they were a star as well.  Those who are ordinary people would actually think they can't get you and thus, not try.  You're almost forced to date only other stars who mostly have a lot of issues themselves.  So that's like 1 out of 20 being truly eligible in terms of personality and looks aside.

When they say stars can have anyone they want, it's actually not true.  It's really a matter of who is put close to them or who they see a lot of.  So what if girls all over the world like a male singer or actor?... They can't see them all nor have interactions with them all.  Haven't you ever seen a star with a "nobody" that was mediocre looking and with a plain personality and you thought, "Why him/her?!  She/He can have anybody she/he wants!"  Perhaps, but they're limited to only those they find themselves around.

This is the same rule with us.  So if you like someone, the more you're around them, the more likely you will be considered.  And when one is considered enough, their chances of developing feelings is more likely!  Playing hard to get only works when the person knows you like them and they are too busy feeling overconfident with themselves than to consider you.  Otherwise, if they don't know, that's the best way to go... Says the girl who scares the guys she likes off.

Now you're probably wondering, so why would you change your mind about fame (not that it makes a difference as if I can obtain it HAHA) now when you're older?  Well, I thought about it...  I hardly date anyway.  I can't get any guy without issues anyway.  I've been told I need to open up more in terms of my personal life anyway. I don't go out much anyway so no needing to "avoid" being seen.  I like to feel emotionally attached yet while being amongst people anyway... And what's more?  I rather be able to escape from my problems than unable to escape from fans.  So why the eff not?  And the best thing?  You get to meet other stars.  I would so call up taeyang and be like, "Hey, I'm a star too, wanna chill?" hahahaha

Okay, back to the topic at hand.

Rihanna!  I hate her orange hair :(

Anyway, knowing she was in the same room (despite how huge it was) got me excited at first.  "Wow, I can just run pass these hundreds of people, get pass security and jump on the stage and be next to her.  That's how close I am to her right now!"  hahaha But you know what? RIHANNA CAN'T SING. :(

She sang a slow song and was so off key :(  If a person can't sing well, she should at least make it up with a crap load of dancing... She didn't do that either.  She honestly just walked around in her shiny/bizarre outfits.  I don't know what people are talking about when they say she gave her all, you guys are so kiss ass.

She has a nice body, I'll give her that.  She stands out.

All in all, it was still definitely worthwhile.  

I reckon it would have better a funner experience if only we weren't so tired already 

and so self-absorbed all the time...

This is what we spent our time doing.

The Hidden Fob

Because I was born here, I'm expected to inherit all the qualities of a standard "CBC," a Chinese Born Canadian. 

I'm expected to dress in mini skirts at every other outing, have my nails done french manicured style, speak in slang and become friends with pretty much every other CBC out there.

But because I don't, some have accused me of being a fob (fresh of the boat) as if it's a bad thing and taken me out of the category for CBC.  This just irks me.  I cannot understand why some feel the need to break down my characteristics or tendencies to arrive to a conclusion of whether I am a fob or CBC.  Technically speaking, I can never be a fob.  I'm born here.  But if you speak solely on culture, there are certain things I feel more comfortable with from the "fob" culture than I do with the "CBC" and vice versa...  And still there are other traits of mine that fits in neither the "fob" culture nor the typical "CBC culture, yet people will always feel the need to place me in one or the other.  I cannot seem to exist as just me.

Nails has always been quite a tell-tale sign of whether you are a "fob" or a "CBC."  The colors and designs you go for tell a lot.  Those from Asia love the highly decorative nails that renders your hands almost useless to perform practical tasks without getting your nails stuck in things.  CBCs try to claim the mature, I'm high-class and sophisticated look and hence, love the french manicure look.

I was never a fan of the harsh bright white tipped, manicured nails... Nor am I a fan of the hardcore decorated nails with 3-d candy, bling, and sometimes even chains, imprinted onto them.  My favorite color is cream white/beige.  That or nude colored nails. 

Clothes.  I love to shop at small, unknown Asian stores over well-known stores that most CBC girls love to shop at.  For one, I hate how CBCs all try to dress alike to fit in.  However, what I pick from there isn't exactly honger.

I am most comfortable in knee high skirts over short.  It is rare for you to see me in a short skirt.  I prefer the feminine/conservative look over the hot/bitchy look.  I also love cute, loose tops which many find to be fob-like and I can see why.  But at the same time, I don't like a lot of their styles such as their mismatched colors and oversized layered tops with a frilly jean skirt.  In other words, I don't like their "immitation of a cute kid" style.  Thus, I wouldn't say my style is honger...  Nor would I say is it really CBC.  It's just what I'm comfortable in.

Friends.  CBC like to hang out with other CBCs.  I hang out with anybody that is willing to hang out with me hahaha  I hang out with anybody that has a good heart.
Foods.  I like Chinese foods:  Fried chicken wings, hot and sour soup, a variety of dim sum foods and cha siu baos.  These are more favorites.  The thing to notice is not that it's all chinese but that they're all unhealthy, thank you very much.
Music.  I like kpop, though not so much Chinese because most are slow and one can only listen for so long before they feel depressed.  I also love rnb and hip hop, so how can I be pushed into one category?  I just like music.
Language.  This is the big one.  When I write, you wouldn't suspect me of being a fob whatsoever...  But if you were to hear me speak... That's a whole other thing.  If you listen carefully, you would find that there are certain words that I'm just incapable of enunciating.  For example, I cannot say the word, "rare."  What's more, I've been told there's a difference in the pronunciation between rear and rare.  Yeah, no, not with me there isn't.  They're both pronounced as "wear" for me.  hahahah
But before you go calling me a fob, my Cantonese suffers as well.  Some say it's impressive that I can still speak Cantonese without a harsh english accent but my vocabulary is still limited.  So both languages have affected each other, leaving me somewhere in the middle.  How can I be a fob if I can't even express myself freely in Cantonese?!  How can I be CBC if I can't even speak proper English at times?

Still, people ask me: 
Why do you like to speak in Cantonese then?  Why do you make an effort in being Chinese more than Canadian?  Why do you like Chinese things like night market so much?  Why do you like doing peace signs? 

I don't drink bubble t, I'm not a fan.  I don't collect dolls and toys, I hate clutter.  I don't hang cute things on my stuff.  What about that which I don't do?  I am traditional for the most part, I respect those who know their home language.  Actually, I am intrigued by asian languages, period.  I do peace signs because... Well, why can't I?  I like it! :)

Thus, please stop trying to tell me how I like "the honger stuff" or I'm a fob.  It can't be further from the truth.  I pick things I like from various cultures to define me.  Culture itself, does not define me.

Wednesday Night:

Aubar, no cover cause of Tien woohoo!  And no cover for Candy cause she just walked past them hahahah



This is one of those ra-ra-rare, "wear" times I wear a short skirt!

Sad me by the end of the night.

Thursday Night 
Canada Day

Private party at Steamworks... Where I attended despite not knowing any of the birthday people.  A friend invited me!  I went expecting a lot of free food, I only got to eat a couple things which were good but so minimal that I got grumpy LOL.  Lily went and grabbed one of the first slices of cake that she cut out herself cause nobody was eating it hahahah  Damn it, we're such party crashers. 



We watched the fireworks from there... Well, sort of.

I was standing on the left of this window for the longest time starring into the right side not realizing the fireworks were on the left.  I kept saying in frustration, "What the heck are people taking pictures of!?"

After we were certain no more food was coming out, we left around 1am and met up with Candy and went on strolling on Granville and also grabbed a bicycle ride for two blocks when we got offered free admission to a club so just checked it out.

Had ice cream after :)  mmm *happy*

Friday Night

Went on a dinner date with Lily where we used a gift certificate

I never understand how people can change over $10 for a salad. 

Looks good minus the tacky arrangement of the apples but still, it's mostly lettuce!

Mine, me and Lily agreed... The fries are okay.

The fish burger however,

It's not a mozza burger, but it seems fattening enough so it'll do. :P

Anyway, I have really big news to tell you guys... I didn't know how to say it so, I'll just tell you here.

 I'm 3 months pregnant!! (Okay, NO.)

hahahaha Looks like it right?!  Remember I told you guys that's how my stomach looks after every meal and you didn't believe me?  Yeah, it really does stick out, after a few hours it's bad to normal again but since my frame is so small, I would look like I'm pregnant for a while.

So those were my low budget 3 days of fun that I spent with some of my girls.

It may seem like nothing to you but I am VERY pleased with myself.  I went out 3 days in a row AND worked out for an hour and though a little tired, it is nothing like what I used to feel.  I started getting hives but my mind wouldn't allow my body to crash.  I am determined to get there, so I can be away from people like... Well, let's just leave it at that.  Tomorrow, I've got a concert to go to and on Monday I got lot of errands to run. :)

Oh and one more thing, 

I really, really love my girlfriends.  Seriously, you guys are the BEST.  Every one of you.

You know I'm usually mean, so when I say that I really mean it. :)