Only I would go into a club and use the time to self-reflect & observe. Wtf?

Here are a couple things I realized:

1)  Asian girls are the only one who would step into a $5 dollar entry club 

in a $200 dress with their hair did but turn every guy down rudely as if they have no idea why they're being approached... I mean, it's not like they tried hard right?

2)  80% of guys in a club are losers.  

You know what I look for if I check out a guy in a club?  Take note... a) Are they drunk?  COMPOSURE is everything.  b)  Are they hitting on every girl or just drinking?  c)  What they're wearing

I may be harsh but I'm going to tell you the truth here... 

Guys who wear light colored clothes and literally run around... I categorize them as young, cheap hongers trying too hard to be cool.   Yeah, I don't know why, but they're always wearing light colored tops hahahaha

Guys who wear brands plastered all over their body, complete with muscle shirts I categorize them as drug dealers... That or they're gay.

Guys who are dancing by themselves on the dance floor and creeping up on girls, I categorize them as losers who have no social grace.  There's a major difference between a guy who lacks social grace and knows it and one who lacks social grace and thinks he has it.  THOSE ARE THE WORSE. 

These type usually try to stay really close to you when you're walking by to try to get a cheap feel off your body.

Of course, this is just how I see them.  Girls who wear $200 dresses are attracted to drug dealers and I'm sure somewhere there's girls who are attracted to the others... They're called hoes.  Okay moving on, hahahaha

But my most important realization?

3)  I want so much more.

A girlfriend of mine said:

"If you look better in pictures than you do in real life it means [either]...

A)  You over photoshopped your picture 
( I added this one in hahaha)

or

B)  Your personality can't match up to your looks."

That means that there isn't a such thing as being photogenic (though there still a thing as being UNphotogenic), it's just another way of saying that you lack a personality that the camera can't capture but a person can see.  Our personality is the lighting that we place ourselves in.  Have a good one and you'll look your best...  Have a bad one and you're going to have to rely solely on your camera's flash to look your best.  Simply put, the camera isolates the face from the personality, something humans just can't do.


That being said, Personality/character is EVERYTHING!!

Well, regardless of the fact that if you lack a personality that commensurates with your looks, you can still manage to not look your best IN pictures.  There is no such thing as being photogenic but there is a such thing as being UNphotogenic.  Awesome how that works.

So Fredalyn and I are going to teach you the TO DO's and what NOT TO DO for the best chance of looking your best in pictures:

Because obviously we're experts in knowing this kinda stuff.

1.  Whatever emotion it is you're expressing, hold it back 70%.

Or you'll end up looking like this.  I didn't even know my face can do that.

2.  Know your poses

*Eff asianposes.com we're the best at this sh*t.

Even a "I just got bitch slapped" pose can work as long as you pout, 

 a pout works with everything

Fredalyn is doing the reverse, the "I have no lips" look.  Err

The I just got punched-in-the-face pose.

Fredalyn loves that pose.

Ninja (self invented, hah!) & chubby face pose

The "I'm about to get to jumped" pose

The Surprised pose

Yeah, my bangs can come out on command.

3. If you don't know your poses, just don't do it

Or else you'll end up looking like this:

I'm doing the indecisive pose while Fredalyn is trying for the same look

but has it come out looking like the slut pose.  hahahah

"Oww!!  I hit my eye!!"

HAHAHA this is REAL.

Remember:  Asian poses are suppose to make you look cute,

 if you're not looking cute you're doing it wrong.

4. Fight for picture space if you have to.

Even better if you can get the other person out of it if they're cute. 

(If they're ugly, keep them in, it'll make you look better by comparison hahaha).

Don't mess.

She's about to get owned.

5.  Make sure your hair doesn't look like hers

I think she was trying to look like T-Boz

Yes, we love our webcam pictures!!   

By 11pm, I was in bed asleep.  Then at 2am, I was awakened by a loud screech followed by a bang.  I then hear screaming soon after.  Specifically from girls screaming, "WTF, WTF!!!!!!"  Not a very smart thing to do in a quiet neighbourhood if you're planning to not report your crash.

I looked out and see a car partially on our yard and into the electrical pole.

I expect the cops to arrive soon but none came.  I expected my brother to go out to check his car, but he didn't.  I could see that they were okay, heck, I can HEAR them saying they're okay LOL  But I got dressed and headed out.

They were a bunch of seemingly spoiled asian kids.  All with nice cars.  I asked them if they're okay and they said, "Yes" we're fine.  So then I went to check my brother's car.  It was all the way in my neighbour's side.

"Don't worry, we didn't hit your car."

I couldn't help but to question their intellect at this point.  He had 7 people with them and they all thought they didn't hit it.  Whether that was their attempt to get away with hitting the car or they really thought they didn't, I don't know.  All I know was that I was a car's length away and I can already see that they hit it.  It wasn't in a parked position and well...

Really guys??  Are you sure you didn't hit it?  Maybe they were just in shock.  Who knows.  I'm just glad they were okay because it was a pretty bad crash.

So I asked them a couple questions.

"Who was driving?"  A nice, respectful guy comes up and says, "I was, I'm so sorry."  I then asked, "Were you drinking?"  He goes, "No, I was in a fight and trying to get away and lost control.  They were punching me in the face."

"Where was this??" 

"Just right over there!" 

I told them that we're gonna need his information and surprisingly he says,

"Can we not go through ICBC?  I'll cover this myself."

I couldn't help but just stare at him...

Okay, really?  You're going to cover the damage of my brother's car and...

Your own?  I'm not a car expert, but I'm pretty you got some engine damage in there as well.  This isn't a scratch we're talking about... His car may be a write off... It's like spilling engine guts everywhere.  He actually expects my brother to jeopardize his car damages being repaid for so that he can avoid going through icbc?  Which doesn't even make sense on his part too unless he plans on buying a new car with 30gs lying around if it is a write off.

I get my brother out, we call the cops, etc.  And while we're waiting, one of them says another surprising thing.

"Okay, we're gonna need witnesses, call out your cousin."

I couldn't help but stare at them again.  That's not how witnesses work... You can't call someone AFTER it happens and call them a witness.  That's not a witness, that's a crowd.  They already had 8 people with them!

Apparently, there were 14 cop cars up the road arresting people... Probably where the fight broke out that he was trying to get away from.

At least the cops were hot.  :D

My life, your entertainment:

So there I was, arriving at the club at half past one, body decked out in shimmer and gold, I headed into VIP not planning to waste any time.  I greet my girlfriends and  look around while waiting for the drinks to go around.  That's when I saw him...

And that was when I lost my cool... The one I never had but pretended to have anyway.  

"Babe!!  He's behind me!!  Do I look okay?"   Friend:  "You look crazy.  Don't go over there."

I spent 10 seconds listening to her... 

But I've been a firm believer of, "take action if you want something" now.

So, I turned around and spoke to a mutual friend.  Listening intently at him speaking drunkenly to me as if he was teaching me about the meaning of life.

Then I turn around suddenly and greeted him abruptly right up in his face.

"HI!!  DO YOU REMEMBER ME?"

I listen to him pretend to remember me when I knew I was nobody to him.

I would have been tearing if my girlfriend wasn't walking behind him and making bubble faces to let me know she thinks he's chubby.  Which resulted in me making the above face to him.

As we carry on the conversation with me talking... 

He suddenly walks away leaving me standing there by myself in mid sentence.

Actually this happened several times, I'm not going to lie. My girlfriend said:

"You need to play mind games back, throw a string for him to catch."

But this is me we're talking about... The one who seemingly has no feminine aspects except for appearance.

So I did what any other normal... psychotic girl would do.

I went right up to him and said:

"Why the *f are you ignoring me?  Do you not like me or something?!  

You're so mean!  You walk away in the middle of me talking to you!!"

Yes, I don't even know him... And I said that.

But I can't help it, I do that when I'm hurt and want to cry hahahah

He leans down to my level... And gently says, "No, I'm not ignoring you... 

I'm just really... Really... Drunk." HAHAHAH

"Oh you're drunk?" 

"You want some water?"

He takes my water bottle and starts drinking out of it just as a

 friend of his came over to speak with him.

... Which was a good thing that he was distracted enough not to see me admire my water bottle after HAHAHA "Oh sh#t, he drank from the same bottle as me!"  "Wait, where's the cap!?"  While he was talking to his friend, I wrestled his hands opened and looked in each one.  They both looked down puzzled at my actions while all I could think about was getting the cap.  It wasn't until I got the cap that I realized I was inbetween his friend and him and prying his hands open.  Please, let him be too drunk to remember!!

"If I drink it now, it's like we kissed!"  HAHAHAH

Okay, I'm joking!!  (If he finds this page somehow, I'm SCREWED).

I spent the rest of the night being ignored by him, despite what he said, I don't believe him.  I don't need him to like me, but at least be nice enough talk or joke with me!

I tried really, really hard not to be sad...

But I didn't succeed.   
"WHY AM I SO AWKWARD!?!"  

The rest of the night:

Food (where I don't remember any of) and afterhours club

No, that's not him

April 21 -

On My Road to Recovery

This darkness had begun as my friend, sheltering me from that which I did not want to see and lending me the security I so desperately needed to feel as it embraced me in its hollowness where it offered little but granted secrecy.  Yet, as time moved on... It has only begun to swallow me.  I wake up everyday to feel an awful feeling of raw truth where silence can penetrate through any noise and leave the air feeling stricken of death and doom. 

Perhaps it's due to the darkness once again, but I feel it's safe to utter a secret...  I am terrified.  My stomach has begun to hurt on a daily basis from the stress which pounds at it.  My mind is dull from fog yet I could still see my depression with all its shades of gray and misery. 

 For once, or rather the first time I'm admitting: I feel the yearning to be held and told that it'll be okay.  I am scared. 

I don't want to talk to anyone, to have to explain what has happened to me or is happening to me. 

I rather have the stability to be on my own and have concrete gains than "love."  Does that sound awful?  Well, love is awful.  Everyone's in it only for themselves.  I'm so sick of people trying to put themselves first in my list of priorities.  I hardly have anything and someone comes along and actually expects me to risk myself even more for what it is THEY want?  If I'm going to risk myself at all, it's going to be for what I want. 

The one thing about break ups is that you may lose the person beside you, but you find a little more within you...  That is... If you do it right.  I honestly thought that who I was 3 years ago, was all that I ever was going to be after the torturous ordeal I faced.  But the pain keeps going, and I'm still growing... Lets just pray I have enough in me to nurture this growth.

"Brick walls are there for a reason, to show you how much you really want something and keep those who don't really want it, out."

Right now, I'm throwing myself at the wall like an idiot.

Question...

Why is it that when others give themselves front bangs, they look hot... 

But when I do it... I turn out looking like a fob?  hahahah

I feel like I should be in one of those chinese dramas...

I know... I should be an actress.  :P
I look so different when I'm actually feminine hahaha

versus:

1.  I got 2 turtles!

Much to my surprise, they are very noisy, get around pretty damn fast, and one likes to hiss at me.  Who knew turtles can hiss?  I guess that one hates me so much it learned to hiss just to express its hatred towards me. 

I took them from my friend who didn't want them anymore and was going to let them go into the wild and risk their lives.  They were always stuck in a tiny tank with nothing but water when they were with him so I let them walk around my room everyday.  My cats don't attack them but they are scared of them hahaha

2.  Remember how I'm allergic to strawberries?

I've been eating them everyday!  No hives or rashes.  I'm trying to do everything that my body opposes that I want to do.  So if I want to eat strawberries, I'm going to eat strawberries :P  I'm trying to sound all hardcore, is it working?

3.  I've been going out more!

The infamous Candy pose/dance move

Finally met up with Candy!  Our unplanned night turned out quite adventurous.  For the first time, despite years of friendship, she's seen me drunk.  Yes, I drank.   VODKA WITH WATER!!  I know, I went from jollyranchers to Crown and Coke and now, vodka.  It sounds hardcore until you realize that what you guys take shots of, I can only take sips of.  The next thing I knew, I was falling into a bathtub and had bruises all over my knee.  :(

Two hours later, I was completely sober again and eating chinese food til 5 in the morning... Til my friend kicked all of us out of his place hahahah  The girls outlasted the guys!!  

If you're wondering why I have my hair up in front it's because I cut my bangs and look like a total fob with it down.  That club, Caprice is full of total weirdos.  I was scratching my arm and a guy comes up and starts scratching MY arm with me.  And evidently if you're asian and you see an asian guy, they'll say hi to you as if they know you.