Thanks for the surprise and arranging all of this!!
We ate at AZIA - my fav!
The closer friends :)
Written on: January 31, 2009
Written on: January 29, 2009
Jan.29
If you do something that harms someone without realizing, are you still wrong? Despite it being obvious to others that it would harm someone? It can't be your fault that you lack the intellect to tell, can it (I'm not talking about those who play on intended ignorance and denial, but for those who truly do not realize)? Would it still be your fault for not seeking further with your thoughts? If you were blessed with a mind, failed to use it, are you not at wrong still?
What if we take this situation and apply it in a context where someone kills many others believing it's for their sake? Is that person still wrong? Despite their good intentions? You would probably say yes because they could have devoted better thought in it for it can be easily debated against (at least in my opinion).
I guess it's a question of the time you are granted to think it through, the extent of your thoughts and the direction of your heart.
Gets kind of complex doesn't it?
But what I don't get even more is...
Why is it that when people are confronted with simpler situations, they choose not to even bother to carry their thought into something that is so straight forward? Instead, they choose to devote their energy into denial to protect themselves from their own ill deeds.
I'm not as stupid as you, I can see the thoughts of your actions, even when you try not to.
Doodlings
Written on: January 26, 2009
Never get used to something. You stop yourself from appreciating, from trying or from changing. This includes your job, your friends and health. Run with life, not against it... Change is imminient. So keep things moving, especially your mind and soul.
Expectations. Even when you get what you want, you come to believe that you deserve them rather than feel truly appreciated for it than when you expected nothing. It's a lose/lose situation. Disappointment is likely and even when getting what you want, you feel satisfied but not blessed.
Sidenote: Take note not to confuse standards with expectations. Standards are built upon self-respect and human decency. Expectations... Upon greed.
Written on: January 21, 2009
She wears a face that screams innocence, exhausted innocence that continues to whisper bravery. With freedom embracing her, she invites whatever chooses to near her to inch closer. Speak those words once more to her, those words that kill. With a heart that is exposed, a soul that confronts, and a body that is weak in itself; she dares you. Speak while you watch her heart flinch, struggle and bleed. Do only if you can bare to witness the atrocity you raise within her.
She shines in own brilliance, in her own right...
She shines because you have failed to.
It seems people can only dare to do harm when protected from seeing the aftermath of it all.
I find that only those who are strong enough to face their own ill deed have a) greater appreciation/understanding in the suffering of pain and attempt to change or b) hold a psychological problem.
If you are neither, you are merely a coward, carrying on blindly, unable to hold control over your own self.
So why do people choose to intentionally do something that will hurt others despite that the fact that they themselves cannot handle the reality of it? They can only do it when playing on ignorance.
Written on: January 16, 2009
Opinionated Thought
It bothers me when people say "good luck" on things such as exams or what not. It's almost as if they're suggesting you need luck because you lack the intellect or skill. What should be said is not good luck, but instead, work hard.
Simply Admirable
This work place is full of interesting people. Full of colorful pasts and stories that seem to bond everyone on some level. One guy who seems very gentle, soft spoken and yet talkative, had a father who was one of the top highest rankings of a gang... A gang who was rivalries with Hell's Angels. He told me how his father would come home at night with bullets in his back that his mom and him needed to dig out. He would never go to the hospital, in fear of being called a rat when police asked him what happened. So he spent his youthful years surrounded by wonderful toys and such but also fear and commotion. His dad got killed one day and the gang leader took by all his possessions, including the house. His father had put everything under the club they ran so he wouldn't get taxed for it because it wasn't under his name. So his mom moved into a retirement home and he tried to live with his brother and sister. He didn't like it though, because they were like his father and he wanted to be more than that. His brother and sister were racist and bad people like his dad. He wanted to be a doctor. He spent 2 years homeless, trying to look for his way and sadly, he also had a pancreas problem. His spleen was torn out when he was little after being hit by a truck. He didn't become a doctor but he found his way to selling these medical devices he finds so effective.
That's only one story of one person. There's still more.
It's almost like their story poses as their trophy. Everyone wants a great one to unfold. It makes the pain that much more beautiful after. But mind you, having a colorful past does not automatically grant you character. Nothing may necessarily become of it and then it is only considered sad, nothing more. I HATE it when people try to tell sad stories as an attempt to make people say, "wow you're so strong." You're only strong if it flows through every one of your actions to motivate you for the better and intertwines with your soul.
Sometimes listening to these saddens me. They all have colorful events to document their pain with. A story that is fascinating on the ear. But I've endured most pain absent of change, a black and white picture that can only become vivid when understood through the mind.
But to each their own?
So let me tell you about my one night out so far.
I went to a club called Element. Not to be rude, but girls dressed in an awkward fashion... If you can even call it fashion. One wore runners with a fancy dress. Another wore white chunky platform boots with a skirt I wore in grade 7, only it didn't have a slit that went an inch from her crotch. I heard the people here are nice but some still seem extremely rude. Especially one girl who kept starring at me and when I asked her something politely she rolls her eyes as if she couldnt bother to look at me suddenly. Then when I was washing my hands she starts starring again.
"Yah, it's called new clothes bitch. You should try it sometime."
January 17 / 12:14pm -
Hassles of Bad Health
So I'm beginning to see a strong correlation between my nightmares and fatigue. Though I can't say that it is completely responsible for it (my fatigue was what provoked my nightmares once I started falling behind in life), though it does hold a great influence over it. I had nightmares again last night, I was yelling in my sleep... They continued throughout the night into the afternoon. It's almost like living out another day again full of stress, panic and anger... Where does the rest come?!
Written on: January 5, 2009
1:20pm / January 10 - Hi guys, been in Victoria for a couple days now...
Here's Midnite's first day here. I got her a new bed, it says "baby pup" on it though, but it's not like she cares right? Besides, it's extremely soft.
It comes with a blanket you can unwrap. I was considering keeping it cause it's THAT soft hahah.
So she's settled in now
Written on: January 3, 2009
You guys remember this? LOL
Expressive/Reflective:
Those quiet changes. It creeps up on you, hidden in disguise... Pretending that it is still all the same, when in actuality, it has morphed in form, changed in purpose. It is no longer distinct, no longer trusted, impossible to define, but nonetheless cannot be ignored.
Opinionated Thought:
I can't control every woman, nor can I represent every woman, nor do I desire to. How am I, how I think, what I do doesn't touch upon gender. But there are some things, that I can't help but bring up the unfair disadvantage it has to girls... For example, (if you choose to live by this trait in culture), men tend to marry younger girls... Usually by a couple years.
This means that... Men get to experience more in life, party more, network more, date more, etc than girls by a couple years... Which is quite a bit if you decide to marry in your 20s.
I just find it a bit frustrating that men get to live out their life more before deciding on marriage which will cease the girls social life and begin her "cleaning up after your ass" life. What a nice trade huh? So what I think is this, you owe the girl at least that "couple" number of years where you need to treat her especially good. Meaning, take her out like you guys are still just dating, clean more than you have to, do more nice things than usual for her... Because if it weren't for you, she would probably be dating some other guy that WOULD have been doing that sort of stuff for her. You took her out of the social scene that you had the advantage to experience more with!
