Delusions of truth.

After the repeated attack of thoughts on a particular subject (which I will not share), it dawns on me... I need this. The subject may not stand as brilliantly as I wish to see, but I will recall it with an elevation in mood and a grin that holds a secret that only my mind knows the truth to. At the end of the day, it isn't the actual reality of the subject that is important but its role of managing my seemingly often misplaced self-esteem... It is my container so to speak, one which guides the development of an important component to my character. It holds great potential but only if it can stand on its own. However, the positive factors have been mixed amongst an ugly subject and I must derive the good and detach the bad... Yet, memories often come in whole, without the conscious ability of deciding when it begins and ends so the task becomes almost impossible.

The unwanted dreams shall continue to reveal my conscious and confused truth, strolling in contaminated with an air of disgust... Every flaw is revealed and seen as it really is.

It only stands as beautifully as I have created for it to stand in my waking hours, never more for the truth forbids it.

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I've been good.

On another note,
here's some of those random ponderings of mine recently:
- how do ouiji boards work when not all spirits learned to spell? Especially when education was not as popular in the time frame that most spirits are from long ago... Or what if they don't know English? ( I think I asked this before but I started watching those scary shows again 0_o and started wondering again ).
- Isn't it hard for cops to run and act quick in dress shoes? Why don't cops wear runners?

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July 29 2008 / Cheesecake Time!


On it's own


With chocolate swirls added

Cheesecake making is not an easy task when you have two dumbasses working with each other:

While in Fredalyn's room looking at the recipe online - Fredalyn with serious thinking face and hand under her chin, "hmm okay, I CAN print this." T: "You have a printer?" F: "Yes, but that will require installation." T: "How about we take a picture of the recipe so we can see it from the camera" F: "Hmm....................... OR how about I just take my laptop to the kitchen."

Fredalyn: "Okay, I'll mix it with the blender, you add the sugar." *I begin pouring when suddenly Fredalyn moves the electronic hand blender over to my side, sugar slips inside the machine and starts flying out and attacking us at full strength.* Fredalyn and Tina - "AHHh!!!!!!!" That stuff HURT. It's like little needles poking you.


Fredalyn: "I don't think we can make three. *Serious thinking face once again*" Tina: "Why not? It seems to fit perfectly in the pan." F: Yes, but, we have to pour water in half way." T: "So... you mean... there has to be a certain amount and three will change it or something?" F: "No, not that.... I don't think we can. Cause I don't have space to pour the water in with three of them in there." I stare at her. F: ".... UNLESS, I take one out, pour the water in and then put it back in!!!!" T: "THAT was what you called a PROBLEM?!"

Sidenote: We only made two in the end cause there wasn't enough batter.

T: *Picks up electric bug swatter* "Hey have you ever touched the net?" F: "YES. There were 5 stickers on it that said DO NOT TOUCH but I was curious and I figured how bad could it be? It electricated me all the way up my arm and it was so bad that it burnt my finger tips." T: "... What would you say if I told you I'm still tempted to try it."

And I'd also like to update you guys on the appearance of Fredalyn's living room. I'm sure you guys remember the single chair centered in the middle of the room facing the TV, you know, the ring style?

Well, she's got some new couches in for a while now!


She's even got a spare couch so now people don't have to sleep on the stack of cardboards in the corner haha :P

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I found a bunch of old nails designs I took pictures of. I think there's more but I can't find them. These were all done myself ( if you can't tell already hahah )except the airbrushed one with the jewel on it ( I chose the design, colors and what not ). I think I've only been to a nail salon three times in my life hahah

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Plain Annoying...

I was reading Chien's blog about someone who described themselves as selfless and it reminded me of something I used to complain about:

People who describe themselves as modest - If you were truly modest you wouldn't think you were being modest about anything to begin with! ...'Cause you would really believe you are nothing special! People who use the word modest on themselves are just looking for another word to flatter themselves with... Another positive factor they do not really hold but believe they do.

You know what else is annoying? People who expose you to second hand smoke then give you an annoyed look when you're trying to fan it away. Why the hell would you expect me to take it when I get NO benefits from it and it stinks like crap?

How many souls peer upon the night sky pouring their every desire, their deepest wish for the stars to grant. We have done this as children and as adults we still do this with little realization... We call it praying. Yet the question that has rised in my head many times before is whether praying can truly change anything. The bright star we wish on may have already died, yet it's light continues towards us fooling us to believe of the miracle that lies behind it, when in actuality, it has reached a dead end... And as with praying, our fate may already be set, yet we continuing pleading with all our might... Perhaps the Heavens do not hear our list of desires but rather our personality. This may be the the crucial component in all this, for it is our personality that leads to our fate. So why can we not pray as though we are conversing with wisdom at its fullest so that we may gain insight... To accept, to hold the will to change and to understand so that we may allow our character to blossom and lead us to where we wish to be.


So even if strength does not always reside in my body, I shall retrieve it from my soul.

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My room is a mess yet it doesn't bother me terribly, in fact, I actually like it. The mess has been created from constant rushing and busy days... Yet unlike most days where activity suspends all thoughts and thus leaves me in a happy state due to that, I am happy while still possessing thought. I label this, peace of mind, a rare experience for me. Though I have to say, I believe it's more of a good balance right now than actually managing to find "peace of mind."

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This is a good example of a person with too much confidence... Meaning she doesn't have enough to base that confidence on. All I see is bitchiness and irrationality. 0_o

"I rather be an angry black woman than a buffoon." In your case there isn't much of a difference.

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The geek in me:




My house in Sims hahaha :P It's actually 3 floors but I just wanted to show you the two massive windows near the front door I put in. You can look down into the living room and out the 2 floor window from upstairs. I really like how the light comes in. Too bad I can't stand playing computer games for long or any other game that requires a lot of time... I start feeling so alone and lifeless.

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http://samsunginstinct.bell.ca/?INT=MOB_SA_SAMINST_Q3_LM_wlpbanner
WTF. Bell is getting a ifone copy cat... Though I must say, it looks pretty good amongst the collection bell has to offer!! And even on its own!!

As you may know or not, I'm not a huge fan of the iphone. Its popularity reminds me of the razor. Despite the fact that it is what many phones strive to be now, it's orignality takes a plunge when you see it in everyone's hands. Furthermore, it doesn't look like an actual phone to me for some reason. I guess it's a little too big for my liking even though must of it's size consists of the touch screen... And it reminds me of the ipod too much. But this one just screams PHONE to me... But maybe in person it may be a different story.

I'm not sure if I told you my bad luck story with my HTC. So I get the phone and discovered that the programming is flawed and thus, does not ring. I use my warranty to get a new one. They send it out. Within that time I dropped it ONCE with its case on (the top and bottom is not as covered but it does not stick out either). NOTHING is damaged except one of the main buttons at the top... It hit the cement and only damaged that one to the point that the button is busted. SO, my warranty was no longer covered, I could not get the new phone and I had to use a phone that did not ring and was already a bit busted 2 weeks after purchasing it.

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So Sad.

Reece Fleming was diagnosed with leukaemia back in 2004 when he was just 4 years old.

He battled the disease for years until this May, when doctors gave the 8 year old boy only a few weeks to live.

The family decided to try and help him achieve most of his goals before he would pass. And one of those was to marry his school sweetheart, Elleanor Purgslove.

Reece's mother said "When we found out that we only had a few weeks with him we tried to do absolutely everything with him that we could. Him and Ellie had been 'special friends' for a couple of years but then they broke up. We said we'd have a pirate party, and Ellie came. She went to visit Reece a few times in hospital as well."

Then during a recent laser tag party, Reece "proposed" to his little friend.

After she accepted, their parents arranged a pretend wedding at Reece's home.

The families went out to dinner in the mayor's limousine and organized the wedding with rings and even a fictional certificate.

The kids got married on July 4th. And Reece told his mom, "I can go now," after his wedding wish had been fulfilled.

His mom added, "He was so proud of her, and we were proud of them both."

The following day after the wedding, Reece died at home with his family.

During the funeral, the mourners followed a horse-draw hearse on foot.

His mom added, "Even on the Saturday that he died, he got out of bed and walked to the sofa. He always tried walking, right to the end, so we thought if he walked for us then we would walk for him."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2443562/Dying-eight-year-old-'marries'-his-school-sweetheart.html

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July 27 2008 Now I'm not going to come on here and start mouthing off about a particular dumbass cause I might as well say it to her BUT I like to bring up these generalized points that people should know:

If you're going to try to diss someone for being skinny, make sure you're not overweight yourself... I guess instead of losing weight people try to get others to gain weight so they can be perceived as normal.

Don't try to impress people with how much you can eat and think you're so cute... If you eat that much, it's fine, but don't try to get everyone to notice it like it's the cutest thing ever. It's only attractive if you can eat that much and NOT show it.

Just because you're not the prettiest girl does not automatically grant you a great personality... And mind you, putting all your strength in acting cute? ... It's like an ugly girl with loads of makeup that she can't pull of but has confidence overload; now think of it in regards to an ugly personality and her cute attempt as the makeup that is heavily applied to that personality.

Remember the post I brought up before? People make fun of skinny people in their face but they won't say shit to an overweight person. Just because no one said shit to you does not make you average, it just means you're THAT bad.

It's not my fault I don't gain weight easily, don't you dare even make me feel as if I'm flawed for that. Stupid bitches like to think that because I'm skinny and small I'm fragile and must be super girly with a high maintenance personality.

On a personal note to that particular person: DON'T TOUCH MY CHICKEN WINGS BITCH!!


:P

My weakness, my sensitivity.

What conclusions I derive off situations are mine to see. What wisdom I believe is hidden within a situation is for me to conclude. Knowledge may be evident for an onlooker but I wish to find wisdom so forgive me when I fall sensitive under the judgment and opinion of another. It is not because I am stubborn that refrains me from accepting their thought, but because I feel they are intruding on the area where my personality finds itself best when able to exercise itself freely. Thus, I feel somewhat insulted when one believes that their opinion regarding a situation is more knowledgable than mine, even when they've only experienced it through words in contrast to something I have felt firsthand. Not to mention, I have devoted much more thought than most who offer an opinion after 5 minutes of analyzation. I am not one who throws emotions left and right out of sheer fun nor am I one to neglect my mind. I can only listen if I feel that one thoroughly understands me and respect what I do regardless. The latter can exist on its own in some circumstances.

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It's ironic. In the midst of all the daily adventures our hearts beat loudly for, we no longer pause to listen to the soothing sound of our heart beat... Yet, we have ourselves to believe that this is living. I have said that distractions and continous adventures keep me happy but little did I realize how valuable my pieces of reflections are to me.

A heart that beats but never heard will soon forget it is even beating.
Appreciate through reflection and thought to recall the value of your life.

Masked in the shelter of the darkness... Its deceitful hands stretch to soothe my very soul; day after day, night after night... Until ultimately I begin to mistaken myself to be as one with it. Failing to find the differences between the darkness and I; both hidden, both lost within itself, both possessing such intensity in tension and confusion, I begin to believe that like darkness, I cannot exist where light does, where clarity and happiness does. For perhaps the purpose in my existence is not to be happy but to wither in sadness. Until I feel such happiness and clarity can be present where I am, I will continue to believe so.



As soon as the sun faded behind the clouds, so did my smile. Coincidental I suppose, but for that short while I felt as if I was "living" again. Everything felt so good. Now, how soon I forget and how quickly my anger runs back to me... To my heart, which it is making home, hammering and scarring the walls within to manipulate it to something of which I can no longer recognize.